This is day three of my little vacation to Sparta. Figuratively only, of course.
What does this entail?
I am getting serious about health and my weight. I’m not huge, hippo-esque or even zaftig at this point, but I’m nervous about getting that way if the trend continues. The chub ends here! So, no carbs for me for at least the next three or four months. So far, not too bad. This doesn’t mean I’m ready to make zucchini bread for my family yet, but maybe by tomorrow. The taste test thing is way too tempting.
I’m getting serious about my little helpers. The big one is caffeine. So, day three of one serving or less. Huge headaches days one and two. Today, not so bad.
I’m going to re-focus on my Spartan Spending policy. I’ve been doing so, so much better but fluff is still hiding in my budget here and there. With back to school coming up next month, I’m going to be relentless: lunch-bringing, free-tea sipping, no-magazine reading nazi, that would be me. By not drinking caffeine, this removes a good $5.75 from my daily spend on office days too.
Eating, drinking and spending – three things I’ve been learning to moderate slowly over the last two years. Now, I believe I am being asked to really chisel. Cut back to the bare bones and see what’s there. How dependent am I really on donuts? Diet Pepsi? I’m not sure. I’m hoping not much, but there’s only one way to find out.
All of this feeds into Project Baby Five. We didn’t manage it this month, and that sent me totally reeling. I’ve never taken more than a month to conceive before. Even taking into account the January miscarriage, this feels too long. So I had to take a hard look at my life and see where I can be healthier. That baby is there, I am sure, reserved and with my name on it – I just have to rearrange my life a little to make room. I don’t like it, but I don’t make the rules either.
I see how things have moved with each of my children. My first was a surprise, and she forced the situation in my bad marriage. So I confronted my fears about being a single mother and my fears of my first husband and I was rewarded tremendously for my willingness to move with the flow she created.
The second one appeared almost as easily and quickly, solidifying my second marriage and starting us on the path to our future family. She created a balance that we hadn’t had before. Number three took an extra month that felt like forever, but we got a beautiful boy for our efforts and patience. Number four was another surprise, but she came in the midst of a storm and held us together through a very hard year. I see how these babies were timed perfectly, each arriving at exactly the right time for exactly the perfect reason.
I am sure number five – and I am really believing we have one waiting for us – will be the same. We have learned to live with a certain amount of gray in our lives, with not a lot of concrete except our family and our home around us. Although our family life has been joyful, I have had another really hard year. I sense this baby will bring more renewal, focus and much-needed joy in the midst of my trials. I also know the house has to be in order to accommodate him.
So for now, I wait, not as patiently as I’d like, and I clean house. Anything that would make my God think twice about letting me have this baby, has to go. I have to show I’m serious, I’m dedicated and that I can make those kinds of choices. Baby or diet Pepsi. Baby or twenty pounds of fluff. Baby, or magazine/toys/clothes. Baby wins every time. Now I just have to walk that out.